Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?: Evil Dead Edition
by David William Cooper
Summary: Evil Dead meets Millionaire...second in the series...


Title: Who Wants To Be A Millionaire: The Evil Dead Edition  
  
Author: David William Cooper  
  
E-Mail: Doctor_Hannibal_Lector@Hotmail.com  
  
Rating: R  
  
Category: Humour  
  
Keywords: Evil Dead, Army of Darkness  
  
Detication: Every ED FAN OUT THERE!!!!!!! YA!  
  
Summary: Millionaire meets Evil Dead...  
  
Feedback: Please...I love it.  
  
Archive: Just ask.  
  
Disclaimer: Ash...dear Bruce...I am borrowin him and all your wonderful ideas...same with your Mr. Rami...just borrowin...so don't come after me with a chainsaw...please?  
  
Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?:  
  
The Evil Dead Edition  
  
Regis walks out on stage and greets the audience. He claps his hands together.  
  
Regis: Okay, let's get started. Tonight we have some very special guests here with us! We have Ash O'Conner from the imfamous Evil Dead Series! Next to him we have some sort of weird primate - like being, Chris Carter!  
  
Several audience members boo him and throw some paper cups. One throws a rock. It misses him -- barely.  
  
Audience Member #1: You suck Carter! Go to Hell!!  
  
Regis: Moving on we have our champion from last time, Sean "Where's My Damn Pants" Connery. Next to him we have a Deadite we just happened to have dug up.  
  
Ash revs his chainsaw left arm, but is quickly stopped by Regis's evil glare at him. Ash sighs and relaxes.  
  
Regis: After him we have our good friend, Blinky The Sanity Stealing Penguin...and then we have the Evil Ash. Next to him we got the lovely and talented Anne Rice, author of the imfamous "Vampire Chronicles" and next to her is the famous...world renowed Stephen King...and the last two we have are The Wiseman from "Army of Darkness" and Dead Linda.  
  
The camera follows Regis as he names off the contestant who will be on the show. Some look ready to go and others look like they are ready to kill someone and still yet -- Linda -- look dead. Camera pans down and on to Regis.  
  
Regis: Okay now. Time for our Fastest Finger Question. Put these movies in the order they were made, starting with the newest. A: Pearl Harbor, B: Changing Lanes, C: Army of Darkness, and D: The Evil Dead. Go.  
  
The camera flashes between all of the contestants, some looking very deep in thought and others relaxed. A few seconds pass and Regis anounces it's time to see what the correct answer is.  
  
Chris: Mr. Regis...can I be a millionaire? I didn't mean to make you bow down before me before...(See "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire: The X-Files Edition"...)  
  
Regis: No, your just here because the fucking producers told me to get some jackass to babysit. And since no other damn show on Fox or NBC or CBS or any other channel wanted your pathetic ass, I got stuck with you...so leave me the hell alone! Now...the answer is...B, A, D, C...who got it right?  
  
A small tower with all the names on it appears. Blinky The Sanity Stealing Penguin's lights up. We cut to him and Regis helping him up to the Hot Seat.  
  
Regis: What do you do?  
  
Blinky The Sanity Stealing Penguin: I steal peoples Sanity. I want yours too, Regis.  
  
Regis: That's nice. Now, for our first question for a $100 dollars. What is the name of this show? It is A: Who's Your Daddy?, B: Fuck Off Carter Hour, C: The Shield, or D: Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?  
  
Sean: It's "Where The Hell Is My Pants!"  
  
The audience laughs and Connery's wise crack remark and the show goes on. Blinky hunkers over deep in thought.  
  
Blinky: Well Regis...I don't know, I'll take the million and walk away.  
  
Regis: You didn't win a million.  
  
Blinky: So?  
  
Regis: So you have to win a million to -- aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh.........it's yours.  
  
He gives Blinky a check and he walks off. Instead of wasting his time like he had learned not to do with the cast of X-Files, he picked em off. He picks Sean. They walk up to The Hot Seat.  
  
Sean: I am quite fond of your "Hot Seat" against my bare ass.  
  
Regis: Um...  
  
Sean: I'm not wearing my pants. They ran away.  
  
The audience laughs again. Connery seems to be a riot.  
  
Ash: I'll show ya some pants...bring it on.  
  
Evil Ash: Goody little two shoes...goody little two shoes...  
  
Ash gets up and rev's his chainsaw. Evil Ash gets up and starts to dance like a queer, but it soon met in the face by Ash's double barrel Remington. He smiles and pulls the trigger. Evil Ash -- in a lot of small pieces -- flies all over the stage. Ash walks up and blows the barrel.  
  
Ash: Good, bad, I'm the guy with the shotgun...who's next?  
  
Chris: Oh me! Me! I wanna go next!  
  
Regis: Oh dear lord. Someone get the rest of these half ass idiots out of her, this is gonna get messy!  
  
Everyone but Ash, Chris, and Regis have left the area, leaving those three to fight it out. Ash greets Carter with a shotgun. Carter laughs and then retracts as he sees that Ash does mean business...serious bussiness and he isn't gonna fuck around. He blows him arcoss the stage and looks to Regis to has wet himself.  
  
Ash: You want some, Jackass?  
  
Regis: AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Regis runs like hell, but is also blown away by Ash. Ash blows off his shotgun and walks to the front of the camera. He grins.  
  
Ash: Thats the end, you Primitive Screwheads...be sure to come back next week...YA GOT THAT!?...Good...cya then...  
  
Sorry this is kinda bad, but I didn't really have much time to go and do it, but the others in this series will be MUCH better, okay? 


End file.
